


Waves

by HeroCrafter



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Depressed Mermista, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mermista Has Depression, Panic Attacks, also, and Mermista's been depressed since before she took over Salineas from her father, and ended up nearly 10000 characters lmao, anyway, anyway for context the princess' powers react to emotions, anyway have fun :), i KNOW its CANON that Prime is symbolic of organised religion but hear me out: he's like depression, i actually wrote an essay on that lmao, i know panic attacks and anxiety attacks arent the same, i love that good good hurt/comfort, or: in which Chloe begged me for scar kisses, this started as a drabble suitable for discord lmao, this was an anxiety attack that led into a panic attack, y e a h
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24875146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroCrafter/pseuds/HeroCrafter
Summary: Mermista has an awfully terrible dream, and so the sea calls Sea Hawk back home.
Relationships: Mermista & Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 89





	Waves

**Author's Note:**

> lmao

_Green anger submit to Horde Prime rage control never submit- pain pain hurts hurts itHURTSITHURTS-_

_Calm down, little sister. Submit to Horde Prime, and bask in his light. You will be at peace, then. You will feel no pain._

_Never._

_Then so be it._

_Anger pain control drown flood submit no no nonononotthemnothimNO-_

Mermista bolted upright, gasping. She sat for a moment, chest heaving, as she tried to remember where she was who she was is she even herse- no. No, no, no. **No.** She was _not_ going down that rabbithole. She was _not_ having a panic attack. Not tonight. (The water on her nightstand said otherwise. It rolled and roiled, creating waves in miniature. They crested and broke against the sides of the glass.)

Mermista startled, hearing shattering glass. Looking for the source, she turned her head to her nightstand. The glass of water Sea Hawk _insisted_ she drank while “you’re so busy working in your office, dearest” (that she never drank no matter how many times he insisted no matter how many days it was no matter how many cups of water he forced into her hands because she’s fine she’s _fine she’s_ **_fine okay!_ **) had fallen down from the force of the waves inside it, and shattered on the ground. 

Moving to the side of her bed, she stared down at the broken cup. The water could be moved, put in a fresh cup and be fine, her floors were perfectly clean. The glass was the hassle. She really didn’t want to end up cutting herself on it, but if she tried picking it up in the water it would just _sink_ because that’s what glass _does_ it _sinks_ in _water_ unless there’s _air_ closed inside it-

The water rose on it’s own, pushing and pulling, creating a current within it’s little sphere, containing the glass inside the bubble like Mermista had just been thinking. It hovered uncertainly at eye-level, and her reflection stared back at her in the dim light from the stars. She was crying, when did she start crying, why is her chest still heaving, why can’t she just _breathe?_ The water redistributed itself into cups identical to the one that broke, leaving glass shards on Mermista’s nightstand. She pulled her knees up to her chest and started rocking, she couldn’t help it okay, she just couldn’t _breathe_ and she was still _crying_ and she just needed to _get. herself. together._

Her rocking slowed after a time, and the tears dried out. She unfolded herself, still rocking gently, and put her head in her hands. Her hair drifted down her back from where it had gotten caught in her shoulders- because for once she remembered _(had the energy)_ to take it out of her braid- and brushed over the scar left behind by that _thing._ She _almost_ stiffened, almost but not _quite._ _(she doesn’t believe herself either. Outside, the waves froze against the shore, going silent before continuing to beat upon the shore in their fury.)_ Mermista wiped her tears and stood, the old shirt she’d stolen from Sea Hawk falling down to her thighs. She stole it because she was _cold,_ okay? No other reasons. None. She didn’t miss him when his adventures took him far from Salineas, she didn’t want to have something of his that smelled like him, like the _ocean_ and _wood_ and _smoke_ and so _distinctly_ ** _Sea Hawk._** She didn’t. 

Mermista groaned out loud. She _did_ miss the idiot, didn’t she. If Sea Hawk was able to be more honest in how he showed his affection, she could be more honest about what she was feeling towards him. She missed him. (the seas calmed, just a bit.)

“Shower…” she muttered. So she showered, and scrubbed at her body _(if she scrubbed too hard along the back of her neck, no one needed to know, right?)_ , and if she started crying again, she wouldn’t know because the tears mixed with water as they washed down the drain.

She got dressed, throwing on another of Sea Hawk’s old shirts she’d left in the bathroom. _(this isn’t a nightly thing. It’s_ **_not._** _)_ She didn’t look in the mirror as she dressed- what was the point in looking over old scars? _(new scars, so new, every one of them from Horde Prime-)_

She walked down the hall, listening to the quiet hum of life around her. Guards and workers that had returned, Salineans that needed shelter while their homes were rebuilt, and even the odd rehabilitated clone that had fallen in love with the sea and so taken to work in the palace all contributed to it. The calmness that had finally settled _(but not enough, just a blanket on her skin while the anxiety and pain and panic and fear still sat in her chest, like a lead weight in her bones)_ was shattered when she got back to her room, and saw the door ajar. She _always_ closed the door behind her, and _everyone_ knows that. Who would be dumb enough to- oh. 

“Sea Hawk?” Her voice carries her wonder clear across the room to where he’s sat on the bed, and he jolts up to face her.

  
“Mermista! Hello, dearest, I’m so sorry for intruding, I just wanted-” he stopped suddenly, and stood. He walked toward her slowly, and as the light from the hall spilled in behind her _(she hadn’t closed the door- why hadn’t she closed the door-)_ she could see the frown forming on Sea Hawk’s face. He reached around her, closing the door behind her, and gently put his hands on her biceps.

“Mermista? Sweetheart, what’s wrong? You’re crying, are you hurt?” Stars, he looked so _worried._ She was astounded by the sheer _concern_ on his face, and couldn’t answer. She reached up and grabbed his hands, taking them off her arms. Mermista practically leapt forward then, sobbing into Sea Hawk’s shirt- he stumbled back, unprepared to take her weight so wholly as she cried _(she couldn’t breathe couldn’t breathe couldn’t think it hurt it hurt so_ ** _bad_** _she had no idea why it hurt so much every scar_ ** _ached_** _and_ ** _pulsed_** _Sea Hawk helped last time when he saved her why couldn’t he help this time why wasn’t he helping god it_ ** _hurts-_** _)_

“Mermista, dearest, I want to help, I do, but I need to know what’s wrong. You keep saying it hurts, but I need to know _what,_ dearest, or I can’t help.” The bed shifted beneath them as Sea Hawk sat down, pulling Mermista up onto his lap as she cried.

“Neck- back- _everything-_ **_scars-_ ** ” she gasped between sobs, she couldn’t articulate, couldn’t explain to Sea Hawk how the scars Horde Prime left pulsed and ached in time with the beating of her heart, couldn’t help but be reminded of everything she’d done to hurt people under Prime’s control because the physical reminders were _there_ pulsing against her skin with every waking moment, and in her sleep the screams of innocent people taunted her, followed her into the day. How could she possibly articulate that it felt like Prime had never gone away, was still there beating behind her eyes, whispering in her ears _submit. join me_ but no it wasn’t Prime because it was her own traitorous brain and the only ones who knew were _Perfuma_ and _Glimmer_ because they both knew what it was _like_ to want to just _stop existing because_ **_everything hurts-_ **

Mermista froze at the feeling of lips against the back of her neck. When had she let go of Sea Hawk? When had he turned her around, brushed her hair to the side and taken off her _(his)_ high-collared shirt? 

“You were mumbling, my love, and I do believe I understand the basics. So I will tell you what I am going to do, now that you’ve come back to yourself a bit. For now, I am going to hold you, I am going to cuddle you on this bed. And then, dearest, I am going to do my best to remind you that your scars do not define you, and your pain does not rule you. Do you hear me, Mermista?” _God,_ he was perfect. It was so _annoying (sweet)._ She nodded against him, and he pulled her down to the bed, arranging them so that he ended up spooning her.

They stayed like that for a while, Mermista just trying to catch her breath, internally feeling _mortified_ at how much she’d cried tonight _(she hated feeling vulnerable)_. Sea Hawk just kept holding her, running his hand down her arm, occasionally whispering about how much he loved her. (the waves on the shore calmed, became a gentle flow of the tide compared to the raging tsunamis they’d been before Sea Hawk was brought back by their pull.)

Eventually, his hand stilled on her hip as he gently guided her onto her stomach, moving himself to lay over her. His right hand stayed on her side as his left roamed gently over her back, tracing every scar he could see in the dim lighting. He started with kissing the cluster of scars on the back of her neck, the source of her pain. She shuddered beneath him, and he paused briefly, keeping his lips against the scar, letting her know his thoughts on the matter. Then he moved on, on to the grid of scars on her shoulder from one of Netossa’s nets that had dug a little too deep into her skin, and then down to a slash on her back she’d told him was from a Prime-controlled clone, then over to a wider mark from when she’d hit the wall in their last fight against Prime, and so it continued until he’d kissed every scar twice over, including the most recent, from a formerly-chipped Salinean that had put out barbed nets that catch easily on a mermaid’s scales. With every meeting of lips to scar, the tension in Mermista lessened more, and more, until eventually she was breathing deep and even, the tear tracks drying on her face from _good_ tears for once. Her scars didn’t _hurt_ quite so much anymore, and she knew of course that would change again tomorrow and this would start all over again the next time he _left_ , but for now, she was perfectly content where she was. (the waves outside ebbed and flowed only at the whims of the tide, finally pulled by the moons and not the tumultuous emotions of the princess they loved to serve. they had brought Sea Hawk back, pulled his boat into the harbor of the palace, as was the utmost desire of the princess they protected, who lay asleep in bed.)


End file.
